In our previous what’s in your bag post we talked about what doulas bring to your birth in their doula bag and what they bring that’s even more important outside of their bag – themselves.
This time I’ve asked the Hampshire Doulas what they take with them in their bag when they go to be with their postnatal clients.
But the same thing applies this time the most precious thing a doula brings to your postnatal space is a calm presence.
The postnatal journey can be really overwhelming. You have been through an intense experience, you’ve just met a whole new person you not only need to get to know but feel an overwhelming need to protect with your very life, you’re navigating all the changes to your body, you’re working out who you even are now with this new part of your identity and to top it all you’re living a 24 hour lifestyle in terms of sleep. But biologically we’re not programed to do all that alone. We don’t want loads of visitors who expect us to be their host on top of everything else we’re already doing. But we can benefit immeasurably from having people around us who hold everything else while we focus on recovering from birth feeding our baby and navigating all our new feelings.
This postnatal support can come in many forms. Maybe you have friends or family members who will drop off food, pick up dirty laundry and drop it back clean, take your older children to the park with them, give you a hug when you need one, empathise with you in all your postnatal jumbled feelings. But a postnatal doula comes with the added extras of no additional emotional baggage, no random “in my day we didn’t do that”, no judgement of the mess, the ability to listen to you and what exactly and uniquely works for you, to provide evidence based information when you ask for it and respect for all of your choices. The feeling of safety in having that person you can completely trust is something that is worth all it costs and more.
So to support themselves with doing all of this what do our Hampshire Doulas pack in their postnatal doula bags?
An Apron
Your doula is ready to get stuck in to all of the practical details. An apron allows them to protect their clothes if they are doing household chores like washing up or cooking.
Note book and pen
Your doula will listen to all of your thoughts and concerns. They listen to hear how you’re feeling and how things are for you. Someone providing validation, understanding and acceptance of your feelings can sometimes be enough. But sometimes you might have questions about what’s normal or what’s available to you locally in terms of expert support. Often your doula will already know the answer to those questions but they will also be ready to note them down so they can do more research for you. They may also use a note book and pen to make a list of what the plan is for their next visit or if you want them to pick up any shopping on their way in the next day for example.
Massage Balm
Some doulas have extra training and can offer massage, aromatherapy, reflexology, or acupressure. All doulas are ready to make you more comfortable. Maybe that comes in the form of a hug when you need one or a simple hand massage or brushing your hair while you feed your baby for example. But of course this is about you and what makes you feel comfortable and relaxed so if you’re not a touchy person your doula will only ever do what you’re comfortable with. Maybe putting fresh sheets on your bed or cleaning up and fluffing the pillows on the sofa you’ve been sat on feeding your baby for hours is more your kind of making you comfortable, we’re down for that too.
Slippers
Your doula isn’t going to create more mess in your home they are going to leave it cleaner and tidier than when they arrived. This (unless specifically instructed otherwise) includes not walking their outdoor shoes over your floors. Some doulas will be happy in their socks but often we will bring our slippers so we can keep our toes warm as we work.
Food
Food is often a big part of what doulas do. We’re there to make sure you’re looked after and when you’re recovering from childbirth and learning to care for a new baby you need to stay well nourished to have the energy required. We’re there for making food, lunches, dinners, snacks and more in your kitchen and always clearing up afterwards. But often we bring an extra treat with us too. We also often have food with us because we’ve been asked to pick up a small list of groceries on your way to you. Lots of older siblings will name the brownies or flapjacks or muffins etc as the best thing about having a doula come to their house. If we’re going to be with you over a meal time we will also have a packed lunch for ourselves in our bags, we don’t expect to be catered for we’re there to do the catering to.
Crochet boob and doll
Many doulas are trained and experienced with supporting you to feed your baby. Sometimes this means preparing bottles of formula, sometimes washing up and sterilising a breast pump. Often it means supporting with getting a good latch and comfortable effective milk transfer when someone is struggling with breast/chest feeding.
Effective lactation support is hands off. If someone else is touching you or your baby you’re not learning how to do it yourself in a way that you’ll be able to replicate when your support person isn’t there. So it’s often helpful to have a practical illustration to make clear what’s being described. Crochet or knitted boobs are not mandatory doula equipment but they can be a handy tool for this situation.
Baby carrier or sling
This could be a rebozo, babywearing scarf, towel, stretchy wrap, woven wrap, buckle carrier. Whichever way of looking after a baby who won’t be put down and also having hands free is most familiar and comfortable for each doula.
Mostly doulas encourage the parents to hold the baby while the doula makes the tea or sorts the washing etc. But sometimes you will want to do something without holding your baby like go to the loo or have a shower or take a nap. If you’ve got a baby who cries when you put them down then you might be feeling too tense to enjoy those things so having an experienced person you can trust to care for your baby and keep them quietly happy while you take care of yourself can make all the difference to your mental and physical well being.
If you think a sling or baby carrier might be good for you too your doula will be happy to support you with getting to grips with yours or to refer you to a baby carrying consultant who will be able to introduce you to a range of options and you can hire your chosen option for a time before committing to buy.
Affirmation Cards
Whether it’s on cards or in spoken words or small actions your doula will bring affirmation and encouragement into your home.
My watch
We need to keep track of time so we make sure to fit in everything you need before our session is over. Rather than have to keep looking at a phone or finding a clock in your house many doulas will wear a watch.
Remember if you feel sad your doula is leaving at the end of the day you can always book them to come back. Even if it’s getting to the end of our time working together we’re available as long as you need us. Some doulas even continue to work with families in the long term as nannies.
Hampshire Doulas 